A Procrastinator's Battle - The Fear that Keeps us from Writing

What keeps you from writing? Nothing, you may tell me. I'm always writing. All right, fine. Let me rephrase that. What makes it hard for you to write? 

Unless you're some super amazing writer god and writing is never hard for you (in which case, I want all your secrets), you should have an answer to that question. Time. Writer's block. Procrastination. Insecurity. Sometimes, although some writers don't like to admit it, it's like you're battling for the pen. Writer vs. Big Scary Forces. 

And that's what this series is going to look at. Those big scary forces that try to discourage you from writing. (Because no, this completely wasn't going to be only one post until I actually wrote it out and realized I was both rambling and wanted to add some more points. No, not at all.)

One of my biggest struggles against work in general is procrastination. There are times when I can procrastinate an entire day of school away (I'm ashamed to say that's happened more than once).

A few months ago, I heard someone say that procrastination is a product of fear, and that the reason we repeatedly put off actions is because we are afraid of something that might happen as a cause of those actions. When I first heard that, I scoffed, unconvinced. I’m not afraid. Reading a book is just more fun than finishing that essay.

But when I started to examine those times that I put off answering emails or turn away from whatever I was working on, I began to realize that the person was right. What are you afraid of? I asked myself when I took the tenth break in half an hour. What’s holding you back? And once I searched for it, there was always an answer buried somewhere. Each fear might not have been obvious – but it was there.

A fear of failure. A fear of what someone else would think. A fear of the unknown. Each one would appear in simple costumes. I’ll be better rested tomorrow. Just one more chapter. I can work on math now. All together, they work to push away whatever action I need to complete that I don’t want to. That I’m afraid to.

Once I began to notice procrastination in my general life, it only took a few weeks to notice when I was procrastinating in my writing. I didn’t notice it at first; procrastination is sneaky like that, giving you so many good reasons why you can’t focus just yet. But it was there, and it was only a matter of time before I noticed that my writing sessions were becoming less and less productive. Opening a new tab every few minutes. Spending half an hour deciding on fun but unnecessary world-building details.

A little fear and a little doubt is common in writing. Little fishhook questions poke at authors all the time, waiting to sink their barbs into them and reel them in. In all the projects I procrastinated on, I let myself listen to the little doubts that came wriggling into my mind. But what if this plot is too weak? This was stupid. Who would want to read this? What if no one likes it? What if the plot is cliché and overused and way too complex? What if, what if, what if.

I recognized the symptoms, but when I tried to diagnose the fear, it wasn’t staring me in the face. I had to dig for it.As a writer, I’ve learned that what if questions are some of the most powerful and amazing questions there are. Also as a writer, I’ve learned that they can be some of the most terrifying. And when I started to look under all of those doubts, I saw one question that underlied them all: What if I’m just wasting my time here?

I was afraid that I was wasting time on any one project.

Right now, I see people my age working internships and at jobs. I hear them talking about their majors in college or their plans to go into the military or their plans at life. I see teens I knew when I was a kid getting married and having children. And I see me, trying to decide if my race of shapeshifters should be able to naturally fly or not.

And a little demon sits on my shoulder and asks me, if this isn’t the story, if this is some two hundred thousands words that will never see the light of day again, then why should I waste my time writing it right now? Couldn't I be doing something more productive? he hisses at me.

That's my fear that holds me back. But there are others, too. The fear that you'll never be good enough. The fear that no one will like what you've written. The fear that nothing matters. You have to find your own fears; I can't do that for you. But there might be a deeper cause of your procrastination than you think. 

So we've learned what's hiding under procrastination. Next time, we'll take a look at your options in the face of of this fear and in the face or procrastination in general. Until then, I wish you all the best, dear reader. 

What do you think? Do you have things that keep you from writing? Do you see procrastination as a form of fear?